he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When are your genitals available?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
