Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
