All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want nice things and good sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
