I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
