Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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