I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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