Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
