I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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