you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
