Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
