so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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