She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
