Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
two words...techno handjob
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
