Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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