You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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