Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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