im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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