drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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