i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
