Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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