apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
