And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
