Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
