Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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