Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
