Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
