Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
