If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
