a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
