yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
