I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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