great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
