you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drake has all the answers
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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