This girl is more easily done than said...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list