I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
