is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.