I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.