Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.