HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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