I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
