I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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