Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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