Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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