Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
