She said her name was "party"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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