My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
