Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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