I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
