Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
