I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
