I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
worst night to have a conscience
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize