Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
