The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
