I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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