worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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