Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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