does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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