k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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