Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
