wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
