so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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