I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
