textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
