i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
