i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
