he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
