C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
