The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
