This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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