Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
