she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
