i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
