I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
