my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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