take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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