I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
