Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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