Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
