I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
