...so i touched it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
