I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
