I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
