Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
