we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
